Waiting Is So Hard

Waiting is so hard!  I know it is worth it in the end, especially after experiencing the tremendous joy we felt after our excruciatingly long wait for Joshua, but that still doesn't make it any easier.  After we decided we wanted to try to adopt the little girl we found, we had to submit a profile about our family, along with a note from my doctor explaining my medical condition, to the adoption board in the Philippines.  The board will read through our profile and decide if we would be a good fit for this little girl.  If they decide to accept us they will put her on hold for us while we get our dossier and other paperwork put together and submitted.  This way no one else can adopt her while we are getting all our paperwork done, which can take a couple months.  We have already been waiting almost a month to hear back from them, and finally today we received an email from our agency.  Unfortunately it was not exactly what we wanted to hear.  It wasn't a yes or a no.  The adoption board just informed our agency that there is another family who also submitted a profile for this same girl.  This means that it is going to take them more time to make a decision because they will now be choosing between two families.  We were told that this could take a couple more weeks.  So frustrating!

I'm happy that another family wants her.  This means that if they decided not to accept us then she will still have a family soon.  This also means that if they turn us down it might not be because of my medical condition.  It might just be because the other family was a better match for her.  I really wish I knew something about the other family so I knew what we were up against.  I guess we will just have to keep praying and trusting that the Lord will help them make the right decision, so this little girl will end up where she is meant to be.

Even though I know that if we do not get accepted to adopt this little girl that we still have a daughter out there somewhere that is meant to be part of our family, I feel my heart will still break.  It is so hard not to get attached to a child when you spend so much of your time praying for them and thinking about them while you are waiting for decisions to be made.  I just don't have it in me to do anything part way.  When I do something or decide on something, I put my whole heart into it.  It's hard to explain unless you have gone through something like this, but I have so much love for this special little girl and I want so much for her to be part of our family.  All this waiting and not knowing is so hard.  My greatest fear is that we will have to go through this all over again if this adoption does not go through.  I don't know if my heart can take it again.  I am putting all my hope and faith in the Lord's hands and praying that everything will work out.